Healing After Surgery: Choosing Positivity in a World of Algorithms
I am three weeks post-shoulder surgery, and I am doing very well. I had a complete 100% rotator cuff tear, a bone spur, arthritis, bursitis, and labrum tearing.
This was the result of decreased muscle mass, which caused my bone to drop. Every time I lifted my arm—especially to dance—the bone spur cut a little more into the rotator cuff and eventually into the muscle. And there you have it.
The bittersweet part is that because I love dancing, I have a higher chance of healing faster—but it’s also because of dancing that this injury happened to such an extent.
But no matter how or why it happened, surgery was unavoidable, so I scheduled it for the end of July—I didn’t want to ruin the summer with recovery and having to function with one arm.
We had a wonderful summer—traveled a lot, saw many family and friends—and, being the out-of-control unicorn I am, I set the standard for fun.
And of course, the boys didn't want to go back to school.
In the days leading up to school, little Nicky started expressing how much he would miss hanging out with us and how he felt something might happen to us while he was in school. Despite what seemed like endless pep talks, he grew more uneasy as the days glided by—fearing he wouldn’t see any of his friends, would eat alone at lunch, and would hate his teachers. By the night before, he was outright crying. Yes—cue heartbreak music!
I wondered where he was getting the idea that something might happen to us while he was in school, and why he felt he would be so lonely.
Once in a while, I check the kids’ phones to see what they’re watching, and lo and behold, he had been watching videos of car crashes, minor crimes, and those “what to do if faced with a stranger” kinds of stories—on and on, nothing uplifting at all.
We can’t avoid the Tech era, but we can control what we let in and out of our minds. I explained to Nicky that what you watch will eventually become a priority in your mind—if you let it.
Still, humans have been doing this for thousands of years—and that brings me to the story of “A comical look at how we get trapped in mental reruns—and how to change the channel.”
Have you ever noticed how the internet seems to know you a little too well? Watch one video about sourdough and suddenly your feed thinks you’re opening a bakery. Pause on a heated debate about dishwasher loading, and suddenly your life is Dishwasher Court TV. That’s not magic—it’s an algorithm, and all it really cares about is how long you stick around. The funny part? Our own brains run the same play.
Algorithms are like that nosy friend who notices the tiniest detail and won’t let it go. Computers are a lot like our brains—they never sleep and never stop pushing. And the truth is, we don’t always settle into balance—we chase either the gloomy drama or the jackpot thrill. That’s why binge-worthy shows lean on breakups and betrayals, and why people risk their rent money on the spin of a wheel. We’re wired for extremes.
I’ve seen it in my dreams. I’ll wake up feeling like I just fled a crime scene or had the argument of the century. For a split second, I believe it’s real. Sometimes I even hold grudges against people for things they never did—like secretly being mad at a friend for abandoning me in Dreamland. Harsh, but hey—my brain was convinced.
I should mention I didn’t have the best childhood and carried a fear of abandonment for decades. My therapist explained the transference effect—how Nicky could be acting out emotions I wasn’t able to express when I was younger, even though he hasn’t had a similar experience. Yay for unicorn therapists!
Here’s the kicker: just like algorithms and dreams, we unconsciously “feed” ourselves the same kinds of thoughts all day long. Linger on a negative one, and suddenly the brain keeps pushing reruns: every slight, every failure, every grudge. But the same works with the positive. Focus on a small win, a kind word, or even just a silly moment, and the brain will happily queue up more of that, too. Go ahead—I dare you to focus on something nice and sweet!
You may not control your dreams, and the algorithm is going to algorithm—but you can catch yourself choosing which thoughts to linger on. And when you do, you’re basically reprogramming your own feed. So yes, the computer may keep pushing chaos, but you don’t have to star in it every time. And believe me, I know a little about starring in a show involving chaos!
From dream grudges to daily thoughts, here’s a witty reminder that you can choose which mental “feed” to follow.
Within two weeks post-surgery, I was up and about, back in my circle of creativity. Performance art doesn’t just excite me—it heals me. I can’t complain about my arm and enjoy being around my acting and dance tribe at the same time. Reaching out to others, cheering them up, reading uplifting books, and watching my favorite comedic shows—all of it keeps me balanced.
As for Nicky, well, on the second day of school he said, “Mom, I’m picking videos of things I really like instead of letting the app run whatever it wants. I’m seeing much happier videos now!” Jackpot! He was all smiles, reunited with his school friends, and actually liked his teachers. Ding ding ding!!!
We all need reinforcements—that extra boost, that therapeutic outlet, a place to let loose and not feel judged. I’m a better mom, friend, and—hey—a better me because of it. Thank you for being part of that!
Nicky eventually realized that we all get nervous, but we don’t have to pile on extra stress. When we show up, things actually get better. Did I mention lots of reinforcement?
So here’s to you—taking control of your algorithms: good, better, and outstanding!
